Clarks Season 1 Episode 5: Dante and Randal and Jay and Silent Bob and a bunch of new characters and Lando, take part in a whole bunch of movie parodies including but not exclusive to the bad news bears, the last starfighter.
Todays episode is one of my favorites. It was written by Brian Kelley and directed by Nick Filippi.
In a series of amazing episodes this one always stands out. It mixes multiple movie plots into one episode and does so perfectly in the span of 20 odd minutes.
So the episode starts out at Dante and
Randal's 10 year high school reunion. Randal and Leonardo Leonardo both decide to pretend that they were suing the government for bad cheese, because you need a story to tell. You can't just tell the truth, it's an unwritten rule. Never mind that Leonardo Leonardo is a billionaire.
While Dante goes to see the baseball team, which he was a manger of, Randal starts to find out that every girl he dated in high school is now a lesbian. He takes pride in this fact.
While Randal is reconnecting with old flames and Leonardo is losing every reward, Dante gets beat up by his baseball team, because they don't remember him. Randal meets a pretty girl who wants to hook up with him. They end up in the closet where Randal finds a copy of the old Pharaoh game. It used to be in the school back in their high school days.
Randal steals the game and Leonardo hires Dante to coach the little league team. Leonardo almost offers Dante a million dollars to coach but he says yes too quickly. It's a damn shame. We've already set up the two major movies they are riffing on, Bad News Bears and one of my favorite movies, The Last Starfighter.
Randal beats the game and is recruited due to being the best at the game. It's right out of the last starfighter, except in that movie he is sent to be a starfighter and save the galaxy. In this episode, Randal is taken to a underground lab where three women offer to do anything he wants, hinting at having some fun, he instead asks for porn. He then finds out that what he was recruited for, was, well, right out of the game. He is to build pyramids.
Back in New Jersey, Dante is living the Bad News Bears life and turning the worst team into a superstar team. Since Jay, despite being a grown man, is still in the fourth grade, he can join the team. Once on the team he turns things around and they start winning every game.
Randal attempts an escape, only to end up in the guard station. They don't see him, he managed to keep out of sight and writes a message in his blood, puts it in a bottle and throws it out the window. We then follow a crazy series of events in which the bottle ends up in New Jersey, just as Dante's team wins. The bottle Randal sent out into the world ends up on the field with Dante and the others, one of the kids tells him their is a note in the bottle and Dante throws it out, ruining Randal's only chance to live.
This is about when The Temple of Doom story line shows up. They are in the finals, but all the kids are missing so Dante goes off in search of the kids. Instead they find Randal and accidently save him, but not before he tries to get Jay to take his place. They find a cult that tears people's hearts out. Forcing them to run for their lives. Dante finds the captured kids, uses his team to fight off the cult and saves their lives!
As they escape Randal goes back for the three women who were ordered to serve him, they are now lesbians. Dante forces the just freed kids to play in the finals, most of them haven't ate or slept in weeks. It's horrible, inhumane and well, it wouldn't be Clerks otherwise. Needless to say, Dante's team wins. The episode ends with Dante once more not being in the victory picture. Things never seem to go his way.
This is easily one of the best episodes of the series. If you haven't seen it, you really should go out and buy the DVD set!
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